I am only in love

"Marriage & In Love are 2 different things. "

Is it really?
Wouldn't it be nice if they are the same thing?
Shouldn't they be the same thing?

Parents away on a Mission

I never talk about this, although I do ask for prayers once in a while.

When my parents were still working and I was still in school, every time we met with missionaries & their kids I felt like they were all the way out in Mars. It seemed like they didn't live life like we did. Sometimes my parents would tell me about very young kids being left at boarding school while their parents were gone out to "field". Those boarding schools were only for these missionary's kids. Obviously the kids there were all so well behaved. However I was never able to imagine myself in their shoes.

Since last summer they left for China to begin their 3 year mission term, I slowly started to realize what I was never able to see, what I had never understood.

Parents & kids of young or old live their lives in faith everyday to be missionary families. They have tasted God's love and truthfulness and they know God is true. God has the power to protect and He is always in control. All these give them the peacefulness in heart knowing God will look after them. However there is still a human side of fear that one day someone in the family might be taken away forever. This fear comes out sometimes late at night, sometimes during a car ride home.

God will never let us carry what is more than we can handle, and this fear is definitely something we can handle. This is the reason why we rarely talk about it, but it's still there, deep down in heart...


PS. Please pray for my parents safety in China

I believe

Since I was about 13 years old I started hanging out particularly with those that were singled out by others. I always tried to stay connected with a group, then reach out to those that everybody thought they were "weird". For many years I always succeeded in making friends with them, eventually they were always accepted by my group of friends.

When I first immigrated to Toronto, I was the one being left out.

I remember vividly just second day of school nobody would play with me anymore. "You did nothing wrong," one of those girls came to me months after admitting , "but I couldn't afford to loose them as friends either so I had to do what they did to you. I am sorry. You take care of yourself."

I never doubted myself or did I fight back. I was just very much alone.

A year later I went to a different high school than them. I had a new start. I finally had my own group of friends.

From then on I told myself I would tried my best to NEVER leave anyone out.
I would go the extra mile to reach out.
I believe everybody has a story, and nobody is "weird".

I carry this belief for many years and I act on it. I gained lots of friendships and my heart was ever bigger. My belief was rooted deep down. It was almost a sure win for me no matter who I reached out to.

However in the past few years I've put myself higher and higher over many things, including this. When I work very hard for a living everything is becoming all about me. My time, my space, my friends, my desire. Whoever does not fit my schedule my style is OUT. I have no more patience to listen, I do not reach out to anyone anymore. Nothing deserves more of my attention than me.

What have I become?