Since I was about 13 years old I started hanging out particularly with those that were singled out by others. I always tried to stay connected with a group, then reach out to those that everybody thought they were "weird". For many years I always succeeded in making friends with them, eventually they were always accepted by my group of friends.
When I first immigrated to Toronto, I was the one being left out.
I remember vividly just second day of school nobody would play with me anymore. "You did nothing wrong," one of those girls came to me months after admitting , "but I couldn't afford to loose them as friends either so I had to do what they did to you. I am sorry. You take care of yourself."
I never doubted myself or did I fight back. I was just very much alone.
A year later I went to a different high school than them. I had a new start. I finally had my own group of friends.
From then on I told myself I would tried my best to NEVER leave anyone out.
I would go the extra mile to reach out.
I believe everybody has a story, and nobody is "weird".
I carry this belief for many years and I act on it. I gained lots of friendships and my heart was ever bigger. My belief was rooted deep down. It was almost a sure win for me no matter who I reached out to.
However in the past few years I've put myself higher and higher over many things, including this. When I work very hard for a living everything is becoming all about me. My time, my space, my friends, my desire. Whoever does not fit my schedule my style is OUT. I have no more patience to listen, I do not reach out to anyone anymore. Nothing deserves more of my attention than me.
What have I become?
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Drips of memory from my daily life is what this is. There are moments where I want to make a mark in that time and space saying, "This is what I've been through, this is me, this is my life."
About Me
- Princess Sweety
- Depends on how you get to know me, I might be a relatively quiet person or an active girl or even a frequent thinker. The truth is, I enjoy alot of things. I believe I am a natural introvert. However, I demand myself to be more flexible so eventually I become a trained extrovert. I could be quiet at a moment but active the next. The bottom line is, I lose energy being with people, so I need to have my own quiet time once in a while. This blog corner is part of my quiet time. Welcome, to my world.
6 comments:
The one being singled out is always the one with the most sadness. The one who is always last to leave will be full of sorrow. It's like a popularity contest, as you mention in school.
So therefore it's actually a good idea to be the one too busy to listen, rather than the one not being listened to.
A good thing is that you realized the problem. But maybe not realizing it would have been better.
It's just like how I ask myself recently due to something I said to a friend. Is it better to be the one doing the offending OR the one being offended.
Don't be too hard on yourself~ As Christians our ultimate goal is to serve God by serving others, and lift up others' need and lower our own. This is a hard learning process and I can see that we sure have a lot of rooms for improvement! Let us remind one another in times when we become self-centered and ignore others' needs.
I n the past I believed people that were singled out needed help. It was true and I did what I should to help them.
Now that my time and energy become so precious, and when I look back at my own lonely days, I start to think otherwise.
Nobody came to help me when I was alone. I adapted to the environment. I helped myself. It was tough but I learned life skills that I couldn't anywhere else. My personality was shaped through the experience. I actually thought it was a good thing.
I believe people has the option of helping others, but those lonely ones should take on the responsibility of helping themselves. Although people might be unfriendly but their reactions to you must carry a reason. You are not helpless and it's not hopeless.
The only remaining issue is, what role do I play in this life transforming story?
If I appear in nobody lives at the end of my days, what have I done that might worth remembering at all?
這世上，其實有誰有必要為誰付出嗎？幸福就要多付出嗎？有這樣的想法只會令自己失望，憤怒，重頭到尾，有這樣的想法似乎不智。
但其實沒有人有責任照顧誰，每個人都要自己take care 自己。有人關心，是福氣，沒人理會，不代表我們不幸。
有些人需要學習更有愛心和忍耐，同時另一些人亦不要take 人地的好意for granted，弟兄姊妹的愛是two way，沒有誰該多給，誰該多取。
Agreed. So therefore in order to work, we all should just give give give. Then there is more than two ways la. Don't you agree?
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