Since I was about 13 years old I started hanging out particularly with those that were singled out by others. I always tried to stay connected with a group, then reach out to those that everybody thought they were "weird". For many years I always succeeded in making friends with them, eventually they were always accepted by my group of friends.
When I first immigrated to Toronto, I was the one being left out.
I remember vividly just second day of school nobody would play with me anymore. "You did nothing wrong," one of those girls came to me months after admitting , "but I couldn't afford to loose them as friends either so I had to do what they did to you. I am sorry. You take care of yourself."
I never doubted myself or did I fight back. I was just very much alone.
A year later I went to a different high school than them. I had a new start. I finally had my own group of friends.
From then on I told myself I would tried my best to NEVER leave anyone out.
I would go the extra mile to reach out.
I believe everybody has a story, and nobody is "weird".
I carry this belief for many years and I act on it. I gained lots of friendships and my heart was ever bigger. My belief was rooted deep down. It was almost a sure win for me no matter who I reached out to.
However in the past few years I've put myself higher and higher over many things, including this. When I work very hard for a living everything is becoming all about me. My time, my space, my friends, my desire. Whoever does not fit my schedule my style is OUT. I have no more patience to listen, I do not reach out to anyone anymore. Nothing deserves more of my attention than me.
What have I become?